Vendredi, 30 août 2013

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« Je ne peux pas supporter de l’entendre pleurer : ça me fait trop de peine ! », « J’ai l’impression d’être méchant si je lui dis non. », « Quand je ne lui donne pas ce qu’il veut, il fait sa crise ! »

 

Même le meilleur des parents finit éventuellement par être confronté à l’insatisfaction de son enfant. De la crise de larmes à la « danse du bacon », l’enfant possède une imagination sans borne qu’il applique avec une ténacité à toute épreuve dans le but de dépister nos failles émotives.


Il faut  se poser la question : Quand je cherche à éviter les tourments à mon enfant, est-ce que je réponds réellement à son besoin ou est-ce que je cherche plutôt à diminuer mon propre malaise ? Par exemple, votre enfant a-t-il déjà fait une crise au magasin ? Comment aviez-vous réagi ? Aviez-vous essayé de l’arrêter en offrant de lui acheter quelque chose ? L’aviez-vous plutôt agrippé pour ensuite quitter le magasin en vitesse ? Aviez-vous simplement ignoré votre petite tornade en poursuivant vos achats comme si de rien n’était ? L’aviez-vous regardé patiemment en attendant que la tempête s’arrête ? 

Prenez quelques minutes pour vous observer. Un enfant qui fait une crise au centre d’achat est normal (je ne parle pas de l’enfant qui le fait à chaque sortie). Parfois il pleure, et parfois il crie. Rassurez-vous, un parent normal peut avoir envie de prendre la porte de sortie la plus proche. Il faut cependant comprendre que c’est notre enfant qui en payera le prix, car il n’apprendra pas à développer sa capacité d’auto-contrôle (par contre, il comprendra vite que pour avoir ce qu’il veut...)

Apprendre une nouvelle langue exige du temps et de la pratique; il en est de même pour la gestion de nos émotions. Il faut laisser notre enfant se pratiquer et se tromper. Même si notre coeur de parent souffre (ou enrage) de le voir ainsi. Parce que c’est uniquement de cette façon que notre enfant peut apprendre à gérer les inévitables frustrations de la vie.



J’avoue que ce n’est pas toujours facile d’accepter avec sérénité la grosse colère ou la grande peine de notre enfant. Pourtant, si, au lieu de chercher à « faire », nous cherchions simplement à « être » avec lui ? Par exemple, dans le cas de la crise au magasin, on pourrait amener notre enfant le plus paisiblement possible dans la voiture et attendre. Patiemment. Une fois notre enfant calmé, on pourrait énoncer nos exigences pour la suite de la journée. Il est certain que dans cet exemple, d’autres pistes d’interventions peuvent être efficaces (je vous en proposerai dans un prochain billet !).

Dans le cas de la grosse peine, nous pourrions simplement prendre notre enfant dans nos bras, tout doucement. Ou s’asseoir tranquillement près de lui tout en étant à son écoute, dans le moment présent et sans chercher à trouver des solutions. Notre silence est important : il permet à notre enfant d’exercer son auto-contrôle et de développer sa capacité de réflexion. Et sa réflexion peut déboucher sur ses solutions à lui.

Finalement, et si l’enfant possédait une imagination sans borne qu’il appliquait avec une ténacité à toute épreuve dans le seul but de... nous permettre de développer notre patience aimante ? Nous pourrions être surpris, en retour, de voir s’épanouir sous nos yeux un petit être en route vers l’autonomie !


Mélanie est coach familial, conférencière, fondatrice de GrandDire et membre du réseau Nanny Secours. Elle est aussi maman de deux enfants et comprend le défi des parents de vouloir s'épanouir dans leur rôle de parent.

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