Vendredi, 24 mai 2013

BULLSHIT! 2e partie

 

La semaine dernière, je me suis beaucoup amusée à rendre publiques les histoires poches, mais rigolotes des TC. J’ai décidé de poursuivre dans la même lignée et de publier des mensonges d’ordre général.

Mensonge : fait pouvant être véridique ayant été modifié pour accommoder son créateur.
 
LA BELLE-MÈRE

Ma belle-mère est décédée. (pas de chance, c’est la 3e fois cette année!)


LE CLASSIQUE D’UN PROFESSEUR


Mon chien a mangé mon « TP »!
 

 
LE CANCER DE LA PROSTATE

La grand-mère de ma meilleure amie cherchait à se rendre intéressante et aimait se plaindre de sa santé fragile. « On m’a diagnostiqué un cancer de la prostate », a-t-elle dit avec conviction! (c’est parce que tu n’as pas de prostate!)


CONSTAT D’INFRACTION

Le policier a demandé à mon ami s’il avait vu l’arrêt obligatoire qu’il avait omis de faire. Le stop oui, mais pas vous!



LA LESBIENNE

Isabelle voulait qu’un homme cesse de lui tourner autour. Son amie Kathleen s’est fait passer pour sa blonde, question de dissuader le prétendant, et lui a piqué une crise de jalousie au téléphone.
 

LES RETARDATAIRES

L’employé rentre en retard au boulot le lundi matin. Je suis en retard, car je me suis couché tard jeudi! (hum! vraiment?!!)

ou

Je suis en retard, car je n’ai pas de montre.



LE CAMPEUR

Je ne pourrai pas rentrer ce matin, car je suis allé camper cette fin de semaine et un raton laveur a mangé mes câbles de voiture.


LE CRAYON


- Je dois prendre une pause, je reviendrai plus tard…
- Pourquoi?
- Je dois aller chez Bureau en gros, je n’ai plus de crayons.


 

MAL DE GORGE

J’ai un oncle qui n’a vraiment pas de chance car toutes les fois qu’il y a une réunion familiale, il a un mal de gorge l’empêchant de se joindre à nous!
 

L’EXTRATERRESTRE

Il était passé 11h quand Julie est arrivée au travail. Pour justifier son retard, elle a dit :

- Je ne comprends pas, je suis pourtant partie à 8h de la maison. C’est clair, j’ai été enlevée par des extraterrestres! (elle était convaincue que son histoire était plausible.)



LE POLITICIEN

Si vous m’élisez, je promets! (j’attends toujours!)
 

Ce qu’il y a de triste, avec les mensonges, c’est que les investigateurs finissent par les croire, tandis que celui qui le découvre perd confiance en l’autre! Qu'avez-vous entendu de croustillant et de drôle?

BULLSHIT!

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